Today was one of those days… You know, the kind of day when you question your parenting skills in the middle of the mall parking lot as your child has been slowly melting down and fussing loudly for the past 10 minutes. It’s the kind of day when you question whether you should be a parent at all, as your child throws their head back screaming in a full tantrum. Yep. It was a doozy. That was my day in a nutshell.
I was at the pinnacle of my doozy-of-a-day just after Dawson woke up from his nap. He napped in the car on his way home, but after waking up started melting down all over again. That’s when I lost it. I hit my breaking point. I literally couldn’t parent him anymore in that moment. Thankfully Scott was there to tag in. Otherwise, I would have just wished him well as he would be parenting himself for the remainder of the day. Just kidding…mostly.
After the guys spent 20 minutes in the bedroom trying to cool off (most of that time was spent trying to escape the bedroom) and I spent that time trying to find some positive thoughts and asking Jesus to “take the wheel” of this day, Dawson came down. Then this beautiful thing happened… Dawson hugged me and said, “Its so good to see you too Mommy!!” WHAT?!??? It’s good to see ME?!?
I just lost it on him, like 20 minutes ago, and he was excited to see and hug me. THEN he said, “Sorry Mommy.” Let that sink in for a minute. My son with Autism was ready to apologize for the way he acted when I wasn’t anywhere near ready to apologize for my behavior.
You know what that tells me? I’m not so terrible of a parent afterall. Even on the days that I’m certain I didn’t get a thing right. That tells me Dawson doesn’t want or need the perfect parent, he wants parents who will love him through his tough days. That tells me that Dawson loves me even on MY tough days.
And you know what? The day wasn’t over.
Luckily Scott was home and able to help turn this SUPER TOUGH day into a really fun day. A day we all laughed until we nearly cried. A day when we played a TON. A day with flying super heroes that were thrown on our bed. A day of Mommy Monster chasing everyone and finding them as they hide and laugh hysterically. This really REALLY tough day became one of the VERY BEST days.
So, Mommas, if today is a tough day, that’s ok. Everyone has tough days… even us Mommas. But, maybe there’s still enough time to turn it around.