I am excited to tell you that I am working on a project with #ShaeBird called Awesome with Autism. I know I have talked about it before, but autism can be very lonely & isolating if you let it. I think being a sibling to someone with autism comes with great responsibility. You are asked to share more as well as give more grace & mercy, even when it's hard. Shae has never complained about her brother or the days that are difficult. We are blessed in that regard. Although Shae doesn't *need* as much as Dawson for everyday things, she does need to know that she is special, cherished & loved. My prayer is that our project will help cultivate her creativity and give her a platform to make an impact on other autism families & their support system.

As tough as I think it must be to be a sibling to someone with autism, it is also tremendously rewarding. When we pick Shae up from school, and Dawson is awake, he is excitedly laughing as soon as we get to the top of the hill for carpool and can see students waiting for their parents.  Then as soon as we can see Shae, Dawson starts saying, "Say Say!!" while kicking his feet and jumping in his car seat. Let me just tell you, he doesn't even get that excited to see me!!

Dawson ADORES Shae. He even gets excited to sweetly wake her up in the morning. For a long time he would only hold her hand. And he ALWAYS wanted to hold "Say Say" hand. He wants to do whatever she is doing and LOVES playing with her. She patiently allows him to do so and finds ways to include & connect with him. From the beginning we have always encouraged Shae & Dawson to play together. I think in doing so we have helped her to be more open and willing to play creatively and include her brother. This also helps Dawson learn how to play appropriately, share and connect. They are so content together.

Contentment. As children don't you think that was always an easy place to be... content. I think once you become an adult that everyday-ness can wear away our contentment. Adults have hectic schedules, bills, responsibilities, work, stress, dreams of what could be.... It's so easy to allow those things to become vines that cover our tree of life. Almost like kudzu... trying to steal my happy sunshine and take my living water. Well, I thought it was stealing my happy sunshine & taking my living water until I realized I was just giving it away. Yep. You read that right. I was willingly giving away my contentment. Let me explain. There is an amazing book by Max Lucado called You Are Special that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt God made sure I found when I needed to read it most. A few months ago I was in our little towns used book store (Which I LOVE to go in and treasure hunt for good books) looking for a book for my Dad. Since he has everything, I was looking for a bible study or a book he could read to his grandbabies and I just stumbled across You Are Special in the back corner, on the bottom shelf of this little bookstore. I sat there on the floor and read this misplaced kids book with tears streaming down my face.

 

To sum the book up, wooden puppets are made by Eli. These wooden puppets go around giving each other gold stars for talents & looks and gray dots for imperfections & messing up. Puppets that were talented and had yellow stars were sometimes given more stars just because they had so many stars. Also, puppets who messed up or had nicks or marks had a lot of gray dots and were given more gray dots just because they already had so many. (It felt like the place I was at in my adventure. I, too, felt like I had tons of gray dots.) One of these puppets, Punchinello, always tried hard, but he always got gray dots, so never wanted to go out around others. (Does that sound familiar to anyone... because that was me...)  One day Punchinello saw a girl that had NO STICKERS. No stars & no dots. He asked her how and she said that she met Eli the puppet maker and he was the reason she didn't have any stickers. She told Punchinello to go and visit Eli. So, he did. He was overwhelmed when he got to Eli's workshop. But, Eli called him by name before Punchinello could leave and brought him to his work bench. Eli remarked about how many gray stickers Punchinello had. To which the puppet tried to apologize. Eli then said he didn't care what others thought & neither should Punchinello. Eli said, "All that matters is what I think. And I think you are pretty special." Punchinello then tried to describe all of his flaws and all of the things he couldn't do to ask why he mattered at all. Eli looked at Punchinello, put his hands on those small wooden shoulders, and spoke very slowly. "Because you're mine. That's why you matter to me." (Mind... blown.... Wait, so you know all of the things I really stink at and you don't care. At all?!?) Punchinello asked about how the stickers stick to him but not the girl. Eli then tells him they only stick if you let them. Lucy decided that what Eli thought was more important than what anyone else thought. "The stickers only stick if they matter to you. The more you trust my love, the less you care about their stickers." Punchinello didn't really understand still, so Eli smiled & said, "You will, but it will take time. You've got a lot of marks. For now, just come to see me every day and let me remind you how much I care. Remember, you are special because I made you. And, I don't make mistakes." As Punchinello walked out he thought Eli really meant that, and a dot fell to the ground.

 

This book was seriously eye opening for me. It served as a physical reminder that not only are we special, but God doesn't make mistakes. Shae is special, Scott is special, I am special. Dawson is special. Nothing about us is a mistake. God clearly says this in Psalm 139:13-16 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. ¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  ¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. God knew every one of my days before it happened. He knew Dawson would have a harder time learning, and that we would struggle as a family with it. But, he also knew that it would bring our family closer and draw us to him. And when we go to our maker, we find a place of contentment. Isn't there such comfort in that knowledge?!?

 

I was allowing gray dots to steal my sunshine. My happiness. The reality is that I am not as talented as others. Yep. There are more talented photographers than myself. My son has to work a million times harder to learn some things that are sooo easy for other kids. I can't give my daughter the things that some of her classmates have. My husband works 2 jobs to make sure we always have enough. I was so busy looking at a couple storm clouds, that I was forgetting to bask in the sunshine. And let me tell you, there is tons of sunshine. Once it finally clicked that I get a choice in the matter, I chose happiness. I STILL CHOOSE HAPPINESS. And inside of this contentment we found love right where we are. I appreciate and try to nurture & grow the talent that I have been given. I praise God that we found a school that helps Dawson learn and a teacher that treasures him. I am so grateful that we are able to give Shae the opportunity to cheer & do gymnastics. I praise God that we always have just enough.

 

My perspective has changed and the view is tremendously better. Newsflash: your grass is green. Who cares what someone else's grass looks like. Besides, sometimes the greenest grass is just weeds cut so short you can't tell.

 

I'm going to end with lyrics from, Ain't Nobody got it Easy by Drew Holcomb and the Neighbors.

It's a strange & lovely world it don't make no sense to me there are few things i am sure of

ain't nobody got it easy ain't nobody got it easy

standing on the edge of a confession waiting for the sorrow to drain too many reasons too many questions

ain't nobody got it easy ain't nobody got it easy

grass is always greener on the other side looking for avenues for freedom I have yet to find someone satisfied

ain't nobody got it easy ain't nobody got it easy